I thought I understood God’s Love before I had a child.

And I did…and yet I didn’t…and now I do…but yet I still don’t.

I dunno…let me just say that I now understand all that I can’t understand more and deeper.

Because Jesus was God’s son.

And now I have a son.

See, before having a child I could imagine the sacrifice God made when he gave his son to die on the cross.

And I knew it was huge.

But when you have a child...

…and hold him in your arms…

…and know that he came from you…

…and that he bears your likeness…

there is a new ability to love more than you knew you could...

It is an ability that I am given by grace.

It is one which just flows naturally out of God, my Father.

And It is so powerful…


I can’t imagine loving another–especially someone who repeatedly turned their back on me–so much that I would give up my son.


     -not just give up...                            require Him to die an excruciating death...                                                                        WHILE I WATCHED...                                                     to uphold a relational standard that I myself set.

I just can’t imagine paying that cost

my son whom I love dearly and am intimately connected to

in order to repair a broken relationship with that other someone.

That other someone.

The one who hurt me.

When it comes to God,

I am that other someone.

But while I use words which communicate distance and insignificance, God calls me by name.

                                                                         His son didn't die for that other someone,                                                                                                               he died for


And the whole thing just pains me deeply.

I feel the loss in the pit of my stomach.

What a huge price…

…for MY gain…

so that this grace might be lavished upon me.



And so I greive.

And I celebrate.

A BIG God.

And a big love.


and Life.


and Grace.


and Gain.



Something I am just beginning to understand…And yet never will.


So let it be!


In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

Ephesians 1:7-8


Have a Blessed Easter Weekend!

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