Pin ItI wrote this forever ago. It just kinda flowed out one day. But I didn’t publish it. It was too vulnerable, and I wasn’t ready. But then I established prices and posted some items for sale. Putting myself out there like that feels really vulnerable to me. So, while I am at it, I thought I’d share this too…

I noticed the other day that the “tag” for Josiah under the “Let’s Talk About…” section on the right side bar is a whole lot bigger than the “tag” for God. In one respect this requires no apology for this blog is about motherhood and baby stuff. Most of the posts in one way or another begin and end with Josiah. But Josiah begins and ends with God. And I have a confession to make; This is not the only place in my life where Josiah has more space than God.

Several months ago, I found myself reading about Abraham. His is an amazing story. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of a great nation. And Abraham believed God…even though his wife was barren. Year after year after year passed while Abraham and Sarah waited for their promised son to come. I can only imagine Sarah’s disappointment every month when she realized, yet again, that she was not pregnant. This is such an amazing testimony of what it is to trust God and what it means to have faith in a season of waiting. I have found much inspiration and solace here while waiting for God’s promises to come to fruition in my own life. But this is not the part that catches my heart when I read it today, in this season of my life. While Abraham and Sarah certainly had some lapses of faith while they waited for God to make good on His promise, much evidence exists that their faith was strengthened beyond measure throughout the waiting. They were indeed given a son. I know that Josiah is a gift from God, but Abraham and Sarah KNEW that Isaac was a gift from God. There could have been no mistaking it! But then, many years later, God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son as an offering on an alter. There are so many details that we could expound upon here: historical and cultural circumstances, the nature of Abraham’s relationship with God, etc. But no matter how you slice it, this was a big deal! This was a crazy huge thing for God to ask Abraham to do. And Abraham obeyed (If you don’t know the story, don’t fret…just in the nick of time God stopped Abraham. God provided a ram for Abraham to sacrifice instead and Abraham and Isaac walked back down the mountain together.)

This famous Bible story takes on a whole new depth of meaning for me now that I am a mother. And I got to thinking, What would I do if God asked me to give up my son?

What would I say?

And here is the truth:

I would say “Absolutely Not!”

Because the truth is, I love Josiah more than I love God.

Just a few days after my initial discovery of my own heart on the matter, I shared this with a group of women in a Bible Study I was attending (Vine, Vision, and Voice with Nancy Buschart) I wasn’t prepared for the wave of tears that came over me when I said it out loud. The tears came because I know that this is the wrong answer. I cannot love Josiah the way I am meant to love him if I don’t love God, trust God, MORE. I know this with my head. But my heart won’t budge. I guess because it feels in order to love God more I have to love Josiah less…and I can’t love him less. But the truth is, I don’t need to love Josiah less…I just need to love God more. Do you know what I am trying to say?

And so I am laying this out there. I am not sure why. I guess I want to be truly known. And I want to be really real. And I want this blog to be really, truly relevent.

And I guess maybe I hope that some day, somewhere down the line, one of you will ask me: Do you love God more? And I pray that my answer will be yes.

I do not believe the day will ever come that I will be asked to sacrifice my son on an altar. That makes no sense today.

But I do believe that someday, in one way or another, I will be asked a similar question:

Are you going to hold on to him?

…Or are you going to let God?

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I’m linking up to these fun blog parties:

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  1. Stacy says:

    Wow… this really made me think about my own life a lot and how I can totally relate to this with my kids. Kudos to you for being brave enough to post such an honest and personal entry for us.

  2. Steph says:

    Wow, Alisha! You wrote this nearly one year ago and I just happened to stumble across it this evening. My son, Griffin, will be one on Saturday. As I read this blog, my heart started to beat very quickly. By the end of it, I felt so convicted yet so reassured of God’s promise. I too, often times, love Grif so much more than God. I choose to be the one in control of every waking moment in his life. Thank you for your vulnerability in this post. I needed to hear this Truth today. I hope that you are continuing to let God lead you and your family. I know that you are :)Your writing is simply beautiful and I am very jealous! I need to work on that 😉

  3. Alisha says:

    Steph! It is so good to hear from you…and now I know that you have a blog, too! It was good for me to come back to this post, too. As far as REAL growth and stuff that matters, my heart feels a bit numb lately…hearing the way you are being challenged and finding Truth encourages me to try to rouse my seeking heart, too.

  4. 'Becca says:

    GREAT POST! I am so glad you decided to go ahead and post it. I think about this sort of thing every time I read the passages in which Jesus says that we cannot follow him unless we hate our families and turn away from them. As I understand it, he doesn’t mean “hate” like the opposite of love (since we are supposed to love one another!) but more that our affectionate attachment to any individual person ought to be so much less than our love for God that it looks like hate by comparison. We are called to love God in a really huge and overwhelming way. It’s hard!

    My son is 7 and has been very defiant lately. The other day his dad was trying to get him to do something, and he yelled, “You think you control me! But you don’t! God controls me, and GOD CONTROLS YOU TOO DADDY!!” It was shocking, but he did have a point. Later, after he calmed down, we had an interesting talk about free will and other deep topics.

  5. Jackie says:

    Wow, not the post that I was expecting when I clicked on the link, but you are so right. Good on you for both stopping to think about it, and for posting about it. God gives us so many things that often we turn into mini ‘gods’, in that we place them before Him without even realising it. I’ll be praying for both yourself and myself tonight, that nothing (even our children) would separate us from the love of God.

  6. Alisha says:

    Becca –

    I am excited for those deeper conversations that I will some day have with my children. I am already painfully aware of how much the learning goes both ways even as we “train our children in the ways they should go” (Prov 22:6). Thanks for sharing 🙂


  7. Abby says:

    GREAT post! My hubby and I always remind eachother to have an open hand…everything we have is given, and God can take anytime he wants. It will hurt much less if the hand is open, than if he has to pry it out of our hands.

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